Evolving.

I work with a very popular media house in Nigeria and because it is largely a creative space, self-expression is highly encouraged.
I realize however that there is an unspoken normal at work. It is very subtle, you probably wouldn’t even notice it if your are not observant because it is barbed. It is a non-threatening kind of normal. A normal that says this is the standard here, you can choose to express yourself, but there are certain limitations.
I find that I thrive more in environments where I am not constrained mentally. When a limitation is placed on how I should think and when I should think, I begin to feel very uncomfortable and usually, I start looking for a way out. I start looking for an outlet, a platform, something to just let that side of me, that part of me out. I don’t pull out of that environment, I just make sure that I have an avenue to let that side of me flow. I realize that I am constantly evolving, the woman I was yesterday is not the woman I am now, physically nothing may have changed, I probably didn’t increase numerically too but I find that the things that served me before, do not serve me now. My taste is changing. My taste in people and thirst for things. I am constantly evolving. I think it comes with a change of season. You just find different sides of you, parts, you never knew existed.
This season has been soul searching for me. I find wisdom in crazy places, I draw insights from almost anything, I introspect a lot. I am consumed by a need to deliver greatness to my generation. I am driven by a passion and vision that is bigger than me.
I am weird.
I don’t try hard to be. I just am. In everyday language it is probably called creative. I am a creative and conformity usually stifles me.
Writing is a great outlet for me. It is not uncommon to find me with a journal or my phone. I am almost always writing. I realize that the greatest gift God has given to me is my mind and writing is an extension of that gift and when I don’t put it to use, I start to feel funny. Blogging gives me a platform. This blog gives me a platform to write, it gives me a platform to project my writing,  to dump my most random thoughts, to hone my voice. I find that God speaks to me a lot and lot of what He says makes uncommon sense to me. So I need to keep writing them down and then keep stretching my mind to receive it.
This blog is like an haven for me, at times I go over some things I write and I know that I needed to write that. Sometimes to gain clarity, because I realize that I get clarity when I read what I have written or hear myself speak. I also realize that some things I write are not for me, they are for someone else.
Somethings I call random thoughts or common knowledge often times are not. The perspective I call mainstream at times are not. Writing is bigger than me. It not just stringing words together. It is more than that. l know that a lot of times God just needs me to put my finger on my keypads and He provides the content. And you know what He told me very recently,

“You don’t always need to have a closure for your writings. See writing first as therapy for your soul, and then art”.

 

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