There was a time I used to want to know people. And by knowing I mean e v e r y t h i n g.
There was a pride that came with saying ‘I know her’ and that pride came with rewards. An emotional promotion especially among friends.
I loved saying ‘I know her and what she is capable of’ and saying it quite boldly too.
Somehow for me, ‘knowing’ especially intimately was a proof of something and it came with an imaginary rank. So the more you know, the more you get promoted socially and emotionally.
Socially, you are promoted into the revered school of ‘knowledgeable’. You become an authority your friends run to when they need information about this person.
And emotionally…well, we all know how that goes.
I recently realized, I no longer say so.
I no longer say ‘I know her’
Nothing had to happen for me to stop saying it. I just stopped.
I found a better way to channel my hunger for knowing.
God. Not that knowing people intimately was wrong, I just realized that I was emotionally exhausted from carrying knowledge that wasn’t serving me.
Now, I focus on knowing God intimately and that focus helps me manage my hunger well.
Focus comes with blindness, a certain degree of blindness. That blindness means I no longer want to be an authority on someone’s life just because I
think know her.
I still seek to know people but now I actively choose the side of them I see. I no longer seek to know the flaws, nook and cranny of a person’s personality. I no longer crave to be a custodian of every information about one person. I no longer delude myself by assuming that I even know someone.
Truth is, I don’t want to be omini-know-all
I don’t want to be ominiknowest.
I don’t have to be.
I don’t want to be.
I went out and got a life. I found contentment. I am content with not knowing everything about a person, and everything about one thing. I am content with a level of ignorance.
So now when I am asked, do you know her? I say: I know the side of her I choose to see.
Life is easier that way.