There is an anxiety that crops up when you write and it is especially amplified when you realize that your writings are beginning to garner wide readership and attract some spectrum of people.
This anxiety sets in gradually, it starts from the mind. You notice that some people are now following your blog, and you are beginning to get complimentary emails and comments. An unspoken pressure sets in. You start to think twice before writing. Your motive for writing begins to slip gradually and your writing voice begins to fluctuate. It is now been regulated based on what you think your followers want and would like to read.
LIKEABILITY sets in.
Your authenticity is threatened. You want to be liked but you also do not want to trade your authenticity. So you start to manage both forgetting that likeability kills authenticity. You start to reduce and shrink yourself. Where you are supposed to say the truth, you lie and then excuse it by calling it ‘wisdom’.
You go like:
I didn’t lie, I just economized the truth.
Where you are supposed to flaunt your faith, you shrink it.
My audience is global.
I am not writing to just Christians, I want my blog to be inclusive not exclusive.
You KNOW that something is off. Writing Anxiety and Likeability has set in.
You see, I LOVE myself. I REALLY REALLY REALLY LOVE MYSELF. I love my ability to tell myself the truth albeit hard. I love that I am my greatest critic and biggest cheerleader. I LOVE DEE and I LOVE MY BLOG. I love that this blog means different things at different times and yet is one thing but encompasses a whole lot.
I love that it is a recycle bin or better still a reservoir. A place where I off load my thoughts so I can breathe more calmly and be somewhat mentally light. I love that it is a haven, a place to air my most private thoughts; it’s the reason it is a diary, I love that it is a platform to talk about things that before now has been confined to my mind, a place where I can rant and talk about things a lot of people had rather not say and also have me not say. I LOVE that this blog is a DIARY and because of this, it is not a facade, it’s not just another blogging or creative space.
My blog is an extension of who I am. It is an expression of me. I love that I live what I write and most importantly I write from the lens of my faith. I KNOW my blog is another avenue to glorify God which is why Writing Anxiety and Likeability is something I guard against passionately. They are distractions. I will not sit pretty and act like they are alien to me because it is not.
I sense it at times and I am quick to nip it in the bud. I understand that I am human and my humanity makes room for excesses but I also understand that I am Christian and being Christian does not rule out my humanity. Instead, it provides the sanity to help me deal with these situations when they come up.