Some ‘Why Are You Like This’ Moments..

Some ‘Why am I Like This Moments’ I have had in recent times.

On Mental Exhaustion

I engage my mind more than any other aspect of my body.  At times with my permission and at other times without. I have a very hyperactive mind and taming it is a herculean task. Occasionally, I  go the flight mode route on purpose but this mind has a mind of its own. I am tempted to think it is a person, a human on steroids and because of the level of work it does, exhaustion is always a consequence. The people close to me know I punctuate a lot of conversations with I am tired.

Aside: I heard people that constantly  sit in front of a laptop or TV suffer from the ‘ Tired Syndrome’.  How true is this?

On Conversational Laziness

I hit 23 and talking became a chore. Before now, not talking was a choice, it was not something that came natural to me. When I put my mind to it, like really really put my mind to it, I can be quiet. The kind of quiet that makes you get the creeps. I could be with you in a room and the whole time not say anything if I chose to.

Really weird stuff.

My quietness is not exactly surprising. It can be explained away because I am both introverted and extroverted. Ambiverted is the term for it actually but I am not exactly chummy with labels and all.

This season came and with it came a need for intentional quietness. I get the reason why but at times I think I hide being lazy under the cloak of ‘shift in season’.

It is justifiable but the truth still remains, I  am conversationally lazy.

Or maybe I am not, I Just think I am.

Whatever..

So, conversational laziness came on board and now I almost resent people that rouse me to talk be it virtual or face-to-face, especially when it is about people.  I truly cannot  remember the last time I initiated a conversation out of curiosity or just for social etiquette reason/ to be perceived as socially compliant. Talking  just seems like so much work and frankly, I am not interested in being socially correct.

What does that even mean?

On the outside it seems like I am just a quiet person but within, I know it is because I am just  mentally exhausted lazy. Conversationally lazy.

Aside: I initiated a conversation about sex with a guy I am familiar with today. Conversation went like:

“Are you sexually active?”

“What do you think about sex?”

Dude answered my questions with so much tact, I told him something that meant

“You are my new buddy”.

Dude went like “You are special”.

Lol

I know right.

On Introversion and Extroversion

My type of introversion  can be likened to sipping tea, steaming, hot tea. I like to take people in in little sips. I observe you and then come out gradually, when I know you can take me in. When you come at me  too strong or too slow, I shut down. When a conversation is more about people than ideas I get bored. I think it’s a kind of snobbery.  

On the flip side though, this kind of snobbery is justifiable.

Yes?

I take my life really really  really seriously,  to sit and talk about people to me is to be intentional about being stupid.  I am quick to go mum when a conversation that was about ideas turns into a discussion about people and their flaws. I let the awkwardness of my sudden silence do the talking. As a precaution though, I listen in on conversations and I watch out for what the person is saying before I talk. Once I get a green light, my extroversion intercepts. I come all out and then talk and talk and talk  like conversations is going out of fashion.

 

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. requ1ne says:

    Lool.

    You’re all shades of…wonderful, I don’t know what other label to use.

    I’m not even this close to expressing myself well.

    Like

    1. Dee. says:

      Looool at label
      Xoxo

      Like

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