The terms and conditions that comes with being a good girl is stifling me.
I need air.
I took the reins of my life off expectations and definitions and steered it in a direction that makes me breathe more calmly.
I became emotionally responsible and the fruit of that transition is:
I no longer crave to be who I am not.
I no longer crave to laugh at things that are not funny to me, and feel odd because they do not.
I now say I did not laugh because it is not funny to me or I did not laugh because I chose to. Progress is, I do not want to have to give an explanation at all because I should not be asked in the first place.
I should have a choice to want to laugh or not.
I no longer give compliments I do not mean because it is expected of me. Truth is, I do not want to to do what is expected of me, I want to do what I expect of me and that is living my truth.
I no longer shrink myself because being me is to be too.
Too much, too odd.
To be me is to be this way- weird and to be a good girl is to be that way- not weird.
Connecting the dots?
I no longer live to up to a good that stifles my values and beliefs. Once I find that I am trying to be, I drop it.
I no longer want to be handed choices.
At times, a lot of times, I want to take them.
I no longer want to be good, I want to be Dee.
I do not want my right for preferences stifled. I want to explore. Find different versions of me and test how they respond to the world.
At times, to be good in the spaces that matter is to ‘prove’.
I do not want to have to prove or be that kind of good and I do not want to matter in that space.
I want to matter in places that I was born to matter, in places where my authenticity is perceived correctly.
More importantly, I want to matter in the places that matter to me, places where I can be. I do not necessarily have to do or prove, I just have to be.
I no longer aspire to possibilities that have no bearing with my purpose or what I was born to do because:
You are supposed to.
Everybody is doing it.
I do not want to move with, in, underneath, above the flow.
I am my flow.
I regulate my current and decide what is too high and too low
I took more responsibility for my own life and extended to others the permission to do same.
I took the human equivalent of what poetic license is to literature.
L I B E R T Y
I gave up moral fatigue, took freedom and clutched my values.
It is called audacity.
It is called responsibility.
It is called adulting.